3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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