goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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