somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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