The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize