I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
two words: eviction party
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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