There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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