Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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