Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
