i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
