dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
