when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize