The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize