just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
