remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
