Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
