I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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