remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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