I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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