All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize