you win again, gameday.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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