just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
