The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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