i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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