Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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