I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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