U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
