On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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