Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
