Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
