I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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