I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So much rum. So many feels.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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