That's when you crack a 10am beer
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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