woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
