Can Purell be used as lube?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im six kinds of drunk right now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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