it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize