You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
