im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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