I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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