I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
