My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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