Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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