Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
