Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
