If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
