Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
