Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
