so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
