I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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