I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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