I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
