that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
