She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
