I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
