i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
