why didn't you poke me back
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
