Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
