Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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