We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
