11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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