There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
