not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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