Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
