dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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