my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
