Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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