Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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