my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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