So drunk its hurt
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
