ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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