Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
