i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
