i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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