Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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